What is Parental Burnout?

Parenting is hard. Parenting a neurodivergent child can often feel like a different level of hard.

Many parents with children who are Autistic or ADHD are constantly navigating systems such as GPs, CAMHS, and schools to access the right support for their child. Parents often spend a lot of time and energy advocating, educating, and persisting in order for their child’s needs to be met.

For many parents this can feel lonely and isolating, particularly when they experience misunderstanding, judgement, and a lack of meaningful or helpful support.

Over time, this level of chronic stress can lead to parental burnout. Parental burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. It can be difficult to recognise burnout when you are in a constant state of survival and just trying to keep going day to day. More often than not, parents’ needs become pushed to the bottom of the list of priorities. 

The invisible weight parents carry

From the outside it may seem like you're struggling to manage your child. What people don't see is the endless hours spent advocating and supporting. Advocating at school meetings, attending appointments, sending emails, waiting for a diagnosis and support, speaking up to feel heard and believed. 

Parents do all of this whilst supporting their child through their own sensory overwhelm, emotional meltdowns and struggles. Parents may rarely be offered the right support, leading them to feel constantly on alert, carrying a 24/7 mental load with little room to rest.

Carrying this mental load can lead to emotional burnout.

Parental Burnout

Burnout doesn’t usually happen overnight, it builds over time and can be hard to notice. Many parents may initially put it down to a bad week, as there is often a feeling that they should just get on with things, but then notice that they are struggling more to recover from everyday demands.

For many parents this may look like wanting distance from your children, feeling snappy or short-tempered, and struggling to make decisions. You may feel tearful, like your emotions are just on the edge of spilling out.

You may start to feel more anxious or panicky, or find it difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep. There may also be a gradual withdrawal from friends and family, and a feeling that you no longer enjoy the things that you used to.

How do we cope when we can't stop?

Acknowledge it

Accepting that you are feeling burnt out, and that you are a human being. Realising that you are burnt out and can't do it all, doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. Acknowledging that you're in burn out can be a first step towards making positive changes.

Lower your expectations

Let go of perfection. Everything doesn't always have to be done to a certain standard. If you don't have the energy, just do what you can and let go of any guilt. It’s OK if you only have the energy to cook something from the freezer. The house doesn't have to be spotless, preserving the energy you have just to survive through this period is enough. 

Connection with others in a similar situation

Connecting with others in a similar situation can be really helpful and can help to lessen the feeling of isolation and loneliness. Finding the people who “get you” and understand what it's like to parent a neurodivergent child can help you to feel that you are part of a community and not alone.

Ask for help

When you are feeling burnt out it can be really hard to reach out and ask for help, particularly if you are used to “keeping it all together”. It can feel like a weakness, vulnerable and sometimes trigger feelings of not being good enough. Asking for help doesn't mean you're not good enough, or not trying hard enough, it means you are trying to support yourself whilst continuing to support your child.

Self care

When you're feeling burnt out it can be hard to even contemplate the idea of self care. When we are struggling just to keep our heads above water and keep functioning, self care can feel like another chore. However, self care can be the little break that you need to replenish your cup enough to get through this difficult time. It doesn't have to be a big gesture like a holiday away, it could be going to buy your favorite coffee, going for a walk somewhere peaceful, or some time away by yourself so that you can breathe, anything that makes you feel good.

You're doing better than you think

If you're reading this and relating to some of the things described, know that you're not alone. You are doing an incredibly hard job, a job that some may never understand. 

You are showing up each day and trying your best. Advocating for your child to be seen by others.

You’re navigating systems that aren't always built to support your child, making decisions with limited information, and constantly adjusting as things change all whilst trying to do the best for your child. 

It’s a lot.

Counselling for parental burnout

If you feel that counselling could help, I offer a supportive and non-judgemental space to explore parental burnout and the challenges of neurodivergent parenting.

You don’t have to hold this all by yourself.

Please feel free to get in touch at sarahjpearsoncounselling.co.uk