ADHD and the Weight of Shame
- Sarah Pearson
- Sep 25
- 2 min read
The struggles of ADHD can go much deeper than challenges with time management, organisation and focus. Often there is a painful challenge that is internalised and hidden to others.
This is the shame that comes from feeling like you're never quite good enough, no matter how hard you try.
Throughout life ADHDers may have heard messages such as:
“You have so much potential, just try harder.”
“Why do you always start things and not finish them?”
“Why are you so emotional?”
“You're too loud, too much. Stop it.”
Why are you so disorganised?."
Over time these messages, along with years of feeling misunderstood, broken or not enough can become internalised. That internal voice may sound like:
“What's wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just try harder?”
“I’m not good enough.”
"I'm different."
"I'm lazy."
These messages can be carried with a person, quietly for years.
Internalised shame and Feeling “broken”
These words and experiences can lead to feelings of brokenness, like there is something wrong with you, as you can't seem to be like everyone else. Feeling that you’re failing at something that everyone else seems to manage.
In a world built for neurotypical brains this can start to chip away at your self worth.
The Shame Spiral
You struggle to meet the expectations put on you (due to the challenges of ADHD)
You have feelings of shame and guilt for not meeting these expectations
This makes it harder to ask for help
You may avoid the task in future
This makes the problem build and feelings of self blame increase
How can counselling help with internalised shame
🌱 Exploring Shame and Self-Blame
Through counselling you can begin to explore and understand the shame that you may have internalised. Naming those feelings of not being good enough can help you to notice when you are going into a shame spiral. This can help to re-frame those negative thoughts. For example:
This is shame - it’s not who I am.
🧠 Learning About ADHD
Understanding how your brain works can help you to work towards self acceptance and self understanding. As in, there is nothing wrong with you, you're not broken, your brain just works differently.
💗 Developing Self-Compassion
Counselling can help you to explore kinder and more compassionate ways of speaking to yourself. You're doing your best, and that's enough, self compassion can reduce self criticism and shame and instead work towards improved emotional regulation and increased self esteem.
✨ Being Accepted as You Are
In counselling you can experience a space where you are completely accepted for who you are. No judgement, no expectations and where you feel able to express yourself openly and authentically.
If you’ve ever felt like you should “just try harder” but still struggled with overwhelm, self-doubt and struggled to meet expectations - know that you are not alone.
Counselling can be a space where you can feel seen, heard and accepted just as you are.
If you'd like to find out more about how counselling could support you please get in touch and email
Designed by Freepik www.freepik.com
Comments